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    March 11

          一直以来,我对死这个字一点概念都没有,没有恐惧没有悲伤当然也没有开心,但是现在我却是如此恐惧死这个字.
          其实到现在我已经开完追悼会;已经感受过一堆认识不认识的人们一起在一个不是很大的地方失声痛苦;已经看过奶奶被化的面目全非的脸;已经摸过奶奶冰冷的身体,可我还是不能够相信奶奶真的已经去世了这个事实.
          这是个多么不真实的世界,春节的时候奶奶还能拉着我的手嘴里轻声说着基本听不懂得:"梦梦梦梦"可今天已经化为一堆骨灰,我真的无法接受这个残忍的事实,这对我来说真的是太残忍太残忍了.
          可是就是在这种情况下,大哥二哥都不在我身旁,在我哭的快要晕过去的时候没有一个宽厚的肩膀可以让我依靠;没有跟我一样带着红球的人;没有人能够感受我和大大他们那种不一样的悲伤;没有人能够和我一起回忆奶奶的点点滴滴,他们远在美国,日本,而我还要假装很坚强的对他们说不要悲伤,还要骗他们说奶奶被化的很漂亮,那么又有谁来安慰我,来告诉我这一切的一切都不是真实的,这些都是假的,假的!
          明天还要假装很快乐的去上学,不管我有多伤心多难过,夜里在被窝里哭过多少次,我还要和同学们继续说笑,继续打闹,我不想让同学知道这件事,更不想让他们同情我,我只能独自承受这种痛苦,那么又有谁来和我一起分担呢?

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